Map Review of robo-s-castle-s-wars

by dunkelschwamm | October 2, 2022 | 2645 characters

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Robo's Castle Wars is a map by robootto. Like many maps by robootto, it defies classification both by pure unique spirit and because its hostile presentation is enough to dissuade any from trying.

Castle wars starts by plummeting players down through two vertical shafts that teleport the player forward before they impact the ground. It's annoying and it happens every time the player respawns. It's a very robootto move, and I think I've seen it more than one of his other maps.

The main body of the map is a kind of obstacle course- it's two rather large fortresses that feel designed by overly ambitious playground fort designers more than actual forts- they're very open, rely heavily on fantastical central glass elevators and climbing all over it for transportation. Also, everything is nightmarishly heliotropically purple. Like, bright magenta purple. It's an immediate assault on the eyes, and I'm saying that as somebody whose favorite color is purple.

To complicate traversal of these fantastical, vertically oriented structures, the passages are littered with zombies, headcrabs, gonomes, and baby headcrabs. They respawn multiple times before going down and I swear they have more than normal amounts of health. I hate them so much. The swarm of gonomes is almost tolerable in comparison to the inopportunely places swarms of headcrabs. It's no fun, and players' only real saving grace is the shotgun they're gifted.

To ascend the the towers, player must ride a slow, long vertical glass elevator ride which can be interrupted by the headcrabs which wait to ambush the player at the top. This is annoying and bad and at this point my teammate and I decided to noclip.

With some exploration, players can dive off of a tall diving board into a pool, then walk through a tunnel and find your way to a teleporter to a secret room with some brush words and a mysterious box. I don't think there's any way out.

Like many robootto maps, it's ugly, almost pulls off interesting architecture, but makes it utterly inaccessible with hostile presentation. I do not recommend


  • Almost interesting tower structures
  • I like some of the ideas, like the diving board into the pool, and the tall structures


  • Terrible elevators
  • Annoying enemies
  • Bad weapon selection
  • Ugly textures
  • Everything about this experience is bad
Score: 2.5 / 10
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